1. OUTLINE OF SPEECH
a. General Purpose: To inform
b. Specific purpose, tips below: Documentary Growing Up Online: reaction, reflection and personalization.
i. Full infinitive phrase not a fragment
ii. Phrased as a statement not a question
iii. Avoid figurative language
iv. Limited to one distinct idea
v. Not be too vague or general
c. Central idea: more precise than the purpose statement (thesis statement), must fulfill following criteria: The nonfictional stories shared by Jessica Hunter, Sara and of Ryan Halligan about their online realms, captured my most immediate attention because it made me reflect on the decisive factors that led them to act in such a radical way and in the ways that my own life experiences in the online world assimilate with their stories.
i. Expressed in a full sentence
ii. Not form of a question
iii. Not too vague or general
iv. Avoid figurative language
d. Introduction
i. Attention getter: “She found a world that she could live in. You find in the Internet what you want…if they are looking for a way to create or to reach out that’s what they are going to find...”
-Rob Hunter
ii. Thesis/central idea: Preview of main points: The nonfictional stories shared by Jessica Hunter, Sara and of Ryan Halligan about their online realms, captured my most immediate attention because it made me reflect on the decisive factors that led them to act in such a radical way and in the ways that my own life experiences in the online world assimilate with their stories.
e. Body (main points)
i. Main point A: Jessica Hunter’s creation of an indecent and erotic avatar in her quest for love and attention shocks me because the way through which she wanted to accomplish this was very extreme and even scandalous; nevertheless, I have done analogous things for the same reasons.
1. Sub-point: Explain why it shocked me
2. Sub-point: Reflect on the possible viewpoints that exist for her creation of an online realm
3. Sub-point: Relate personal experience
4. Sub-pint: Similarities and differences between them
5. Sub-point, transition to main point A: Not only have I created avatars to pump up my self-confidence but I have also looked online for things that I was forbidden to have on the real world just like Sara.
ii. Main point B: The fact that Sara was unable to have an affiliation in the objective world as humans commonly do soothes me and makes me feel in peace with myself because I once had an online relationship.
1. Sub-point: Explain why it shocked me
2. Sub-point: Reflect on the possible viewpoints that exist for her creation of an online realm
3. Sub-point: Relate personal experience
4. Sub-pint: Similarities and differences between them
5. Sub-point, transition to main point C: My persona did not only let me have an online relationship but it also allowed me to seek support and advice in online communities just like Ryan found it in a suicidal website.
iii. Main point C: Ryan was a young male who was victim of harsh bullying both at school and on the Internet and who unfortunately decided to commit suicide; but before doing so just like me, he joined an online community for guidance and support in this matter.
1. Sub-point: Explain why it shocked me
2. Sub-point: Reflect on the possible viewpoints that exist for his online realm
3. Sub-point: Relate personal experience
4. Sub-pint: Similarities and differences between them
5. Sub-point, transition to main point conclusion: Even though my web source was pro life and clearly contrasted with Ryan’s, I did seek it by myself because I lost hope in people and was ashamed to show the world that I was in deep grievance.
iv. Conclusion
1. Review main points: In conclusion, the narratives shared by Jessica Hunter, Sara and of Ryan Halligan about their online niches, made me react in various distinct ways as well to reflect upon the influential factors that made them create a life in an online community as I have done so as well many times during my existence.
2. Closing strategy (story, statistics, challenge, quote, etc.) As it is evident by these three case scenarios and as well by my personal own, people are often ostracized for a variety of reasons in the real world and as a result, they seek desperately to be given a second chance to live without the wretchedness that they have to endure with. They find that the Internet grants them with the opportunity to be reborn again. As Rob Hunter clearly expressed, one finds online “a world…[to] live in.”
1 comment:
WOW!!!
So where to start? I guess I will start with the pros first. This essay was very professionally done. It looked and read like a well thought out and organized piece of work.
Secondly, was the inclusion of personal stories. These stories really helped to contrast and hit home the differing tales that were presented in the documentary. You did a fantastic job of using examples from your own life to force the realization that these occurances are not random anomalies. They are incredibly real and incredibly close to home.
Next was the transitions. This was probably my favorite part of the essay. It created a tangible flow that carried your paper from one point to the next with really almost no disgishable breaks in between thoughts and paragraphs until the summation at the end.
Finally, the critical thinking. You really tried to go deep and psychologically analyze just what exactly it was that made each of these people work. It was a fascinating study and quite enlightening.
Really, the only thing that I didn't like, and it is more of a minor quibble than anything was your conclusion. Whereas the first four paragraphs were a smooth river of information and personality, the concluding paragraph was more of a torrenting sea. It seemed very rigid to me as I was reading it and seemed more like a forced, "must do" style of writing as opposed to the rest. It did an admirable job of summing up your points, but it didn't really leave me with, as my old English teacher would call it an "after-dinner mint", something for me to suck on for awhile after I had finished.
In total, fantastic essay. Keep up the good work.
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