Lilliam Aguilar
Professor Matthew Willis
Public Speaking
7 October 2008
Documentary “Growing Up Online”: reaction, reflection and personalization.
“She found a world that she could live in. You find in the Internet what you want…if they are looking for a way to create or to reach out that’s what they are going to find...”
-Rob Hunter
As Rob Hunter expressed, the Internet has not only become an online globe “which includes commercial, educational, governmental, and other networks,” as Dictionary.com states, but also a world where human beings are given a second chance to be reborn into whoever they truly want to be in life. It is amazing to realize the growing number of cases of ostracized people who view an online world as their only realm and in it find a niche that they can survive and endure in. Throughout history, human beings have been and still are in the present day socially segregated for a variety of different reasons. It can be argued that today this excluding ambiance is most commonly and strongly found in secondary schools. When adolescents reach puberty, they do not only undergo physical alterations; they also revolutionize their psychological make up. Teenagers mature in several positive aspects as they also deteriorate morally and as a result, acquire negative features. In the documentary Growing Up Online, several adolescents share with the public their personal story of how they managed to escape the miserable and ostracized life they had in the real world for an electronic one that they found. The nonfictional stories shared by Jessica Hunter, Sara and of Ryan Halligan about their online realms, captured my most immediate attention because it made me reflect on the decisive factors that led them to act in such a radical way and in the ways that my own life experiences in the online world assimilate with their stories.
Jessica Hunter’s creation of an indecent and erotic avatar in her quest for love and attention shocks me because the way through which she wanted to accomplish this was very extreme and even scandalous; nevertheless, I have done analogous things for the same reasons. The reason why Jessica’s avatar astounded and disturbed me so much, comes from the fact that it made me think of how harsh her social exclusion must have been in order to make her want to lose her self-respect and dignity by publicizing pictures of herself only wearing lingerie. I believe that Jessica’s self-confidence highly depended on receiving social attention because throughout her entire life she had been collectively excluded at school and as she clearly stated she did not want to be remembered as “the girl who had no friends.” This immediately explains why she was radical in taking pictures of her wearing few clothes since after all, nowadays, sexual related stuff is one of the elements that interests the public the most. I can relate to Jessica’s story because my self- esteem is dependent too on the positive and negative feedback that people provide me with. Although, I would never be as extreme as Jessica is. For instance, after I took the professional pictures that I needed to go with my senior will, I uploaded them (except the one I used for the yearbook) on my social network of Facebook because in that time I felt in the need of being complimented on my physique. The photo that I set as my profile picture for the longest time was one in which I had my hair straightened, so as to portray a different persona that contrasted with the daily and common curly haired Lilliam, a beautiful smile, to overstate my gaiety, and lastly, a provocative white v-shaped shirt, in order to demonstrate my seductive side. Not only have I created avatars to pump up my self-confidence but I have also looked online for things that I was forbidden to have on the real world just like Sara.
The fact that Sara was unable to have an affiliation in the objective world as humans commonly do soothes me and makes me feel in peace with myself because I once had an online relationship. Her revelation made me realize and recognize that I was not the only person whose experience in the outside world forced one to seek for this type of bond in an online globe. I believe that Sara executed an online relationship because she felt that she could be herself online rather than in the objective and tangible life. Also, there exists a possibility that she was not seen at school as a desirable candidate to date and in the Internet she did not have to show her physique. Although in the documentary, she mentions that she was once asked by a male “to send a naked picture” (Sara) of herself, she did so after finding the best-looking and not most appropriate photo. When I was fourteen, I had an online relationship with a young male named Steven from London which I met in a MSN chat room because I really desired to have an affiliation yet in the real world I was not considered as an attractive and enviable companion. Differing from Sara, I never sent him pictures of myself because I was petrified that he would not like me anymore once he saw who I was physically. I was myself with him just like Sara was herself with her online mate. My persona did not only let me have an online relationship but it also allowed me to seek support and advice in online communities just like Ryan found it in a suicidal website.
Ryan was a young male who was victim of harsh bullying both at school and on the Internet and who unfortunately decided to commit suicide; but before doing so just like me, he joined an online community for guidance and support in this matter. It was very heartrending and lamentable that Ryan took his life away before seeking for professional counsel on this matter. This is what shocked me the most because I would seek for help before considering following the advice of a website that “taught you how to hang yourself” (John Halligan). I believe that the reason why Ryan did wanted to solve his problems by himself and was negligent to seek advice from real and tangible people, comes from the fact that after being deliberately and constantly bullied and ostracized, he lost trust and hope in human beings. Moreover, even though Ryand did slightly seek help from his parents, once he realized that what his dad advised him to do did not work, he probably felt ashamed of not being man enough to solve his own problems. I have been bullied both in an objective and cyber globe and I remember that once I could not take it anymore and I sought advice in an online community. Differing from Ryan’s choice of a suicidal website, I chose a religious oriented counseling environment. Even though my web source was pro life and clearly contrasted with Ryan’s, I did seek it by myself because I lost hope in people and was ashamed to show the world that I was in deep grievance.
In conclusion, the narratives shared by Jessica Hunter, Sara and of Ryan Halligan about their online niches, made me react in various distinct ways as well to reflect upon the influential factors that made them create a life in an online community as I have done so as well many times during my existence. Jessica created a very radical and erotic avatar in order to get the attention and love that she was neglected in real life. Her experience reminded me of the time that I uploaded beauty-enhancing pictures of myself in Facebook in order to receive the compliments that my self-esteem highly depends on. Moreover, the online relationships that Sara carried out because she felt that she could be herself reminded me of the time that I had an online affiliation because I was socially forbidden to have one in the real world. Lastly, Ryan’s suicidal website as a means of support and advice reminded me of the time that after being victim of harsh bullying in the objective world as well as in the electronic one just like Ryan, I joined a religious online source in search of aid and counseling. As it is evident by these three case scenarios and as well by my personal own, people are often ostracized for a variety of reasons in the real world and as a result, they seek desperately to be given a second chance to live without the wretchedness that they have to endure with. They find that the Internet grants them with the opportunity to be reborn again. As Rob Hunter clearly expressed, one finds online “a world…[to] live in.”

Works Cited
Dictionary,com. 2008. Online Dictionary: Internet. 15 October 2008.
< http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/internet>
“Growing Up Online.” 22 January 2008. PBS. Online Documentary. 7 October 2008.